Qualifications for marriage

When someone is beginning to date, one should consider only people that meet the Biblical qualifications for marriage.

A man should love God first and foremost – Trusting in Christ, knowing God’s word, obeying it, teaching it to his family, living it out by helping others.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

He should live Galatians 5:16-26

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Colossians 1:9-11

9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,[e] 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.

He should not lie, or cuss, or get easily angered

Colossians 3:8-10

8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

He should have a job which would pay the bills for a family, and he should have held this job long enough to show he will not quit it if things get uncomfortable.

2 Thessalonians 3:10-11

10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” 11 We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. 12 Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the food they eat. 13 And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.

He should be someone who lives the Word of God – being moral, patient, slow to anger, guarding their tongue, caring for widows and orphans…
James 1:19-27

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

He should not be divisive.

Titus 3:9-11

9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. 11 You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

He should not grumble or argue.

Philippians 2:14

Do everything without grumbling or arguing,

Proverbs 20:18

Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance.

Proverbs 13:1

A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not respond to rebukes.

There are so many traits we are to develop in ourselves as Christians – the people we consider for matrimony should exhibit these on a regular basis.

We should strive for a friendship first and court with our thoughts before we allow our emotions or our libidos to become involved.

Sex should not be a consideration other than the fact that sex should be discussed once you have ascertained the other person is honest and meets all the criteria for a spouse. Certainly the criteria for sex is to be between a man and his wife and neither should deny the other.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

But once there is agreement, each person should control him and her self to ensure they do not give into temptation.

1 Thessalonians 4:3

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

In general a man should strive to be like Christ.

But then, so should a woman.

If the person you are considering for matrimony does not meet these qualifications, then run away.

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3 Responses

  1. For the Christian man, a wife is always a gift of God, or should be!

    • Fr. R.,

      I would have to say whether a wife is a gift from God for a Christian man or not depends on whether the man married who God wanted or not. I know of at least one missionary church planter who lost his ministry when he married someone after God had told him to wait and she left him within 6 weeks of marriage.

      We must seek God’s will – from the Bible and through advice from other godly people and through prayer. Its too easy to be blinded to truth and marry someone we have no business being involved with.

  2. W,

    That’s the ‘gift of God’ part, i.e. the right woman. :)

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