Being a dad and husband

It can be hard to be a husband and dad in today’s world. The world wants you to be let your children discover who they are. According to “everyone,” your wife should have have more to do with making decisions in the family as the husband. “Experts” say you should not physically discipline your children, as it will harm their self-esteem. Even in “church”, there are as many opinions in how to be a husband and dad as there are people. Everyone has their opinion, and everyone thinks anyone who disagrees is wrong. Some women get angry if you stand when they come up to your table, or if you open a door for a lady. And dating? Oh boy – you should let you children date when ever they feel inclined and with whomever they desire and do what ever they want.  Dad’s are not supposed to be overly protective or judgemental or even have a thought of their own.

OK, some of the above is hyperbole. But some of it isnt. What does GOD say about it?

Realize that our wife and children are people to whom we are in a relationship with. We must treat them as God has told us to treat other people.

  • Accept your wife and children (Romans 15:7).
  • Love your wife and children (John 13:34-35; Romans 13:8; 1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11).
  • Be devoted in brotherly love to your wife and children (Romans 12:10).
  • Honor your wife and children above one’s self (Romans 12:10).
  • Live in harmony with your wife and children(Romans 12:16; 1 Peter 3:8).
  • Be hospitable to your wife and children(1 Peter 4:9).
  • Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3).
  • Submit to your wife and children out of reverence for Christ – this does not mean they are in charge, nor does it mean to not fulfill your role, but that God has put us in relationship to one another so we can help each other be better people and sometimes they see things in a different perspective than we, so listen and pay attention to see if what they have to say has some validity (Ephesians 5:21).
  • Be humble with your wife and children – dont think yourself better than you are, be authentic (1 Peter 5:5).
  • Bear with your wife and children and forgive them (Colossians 3:13).
  • Be be sympathetic, compassionate, loving, humble and repay insult or injury with blessing (1 Peter 3:8-9).
  • Teach and admonish your wife and children with wisdom (Colossians 3:16).
  • Encourage your wife and children (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 3:13).
  • Encourage your wife and children to love and good deeds and to meeting with believers (Hebrews 10:24-25).
  • Do no judge or slander them – this is not saying do not recognize sin, or not address sin, but to address the issue and not the worth or value of the person – do not put yourself in God’s place (James 4:11).
  • Always do good and not bad (Gal 6:7-10).
  • Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to them, forgiving your wife and children, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
  • The wife is entitled to at least food, clothes and love from her husband – specifically sex (Exodus 21:10-11; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11; 1 Corinthians 7:33-34).
  • Love does no harm to your wife and children. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10). This does not mean to not discipline your children, but to not purposely hurt them – such as by retaliating in anger or pain.
  • Love is sincere (Romans 12:9).
  • If your wife and children are distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love (Romans 14:15).
  • Love builds up (1 Corinthians 8:1).
  • Without love, we are nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
  • Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
  • Do everything in love (1 Corinthians 16:14).
  • Do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve your wife and children in love (Galatians 5:13)
  • The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
  • Men are to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance (Titus 2:2).
  • Women are to teach the younger women to love their husband and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.  (Titus 2:4).
  • Love should be shown in ones actions rather than give it lip service (1 John 3:18)
  • A patient man calms a quarrel. (Proverbs 15:8)
  • A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. (Proverbs 12:16 NIV)
  • A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. (Proverbs 15:18)
  • An argumentative spouse will eat away at the other partner, but a self-disciplined spouse is a gift from the Lord – note that these are written about a wife, but apply to a husband as well  (Proverbs 19:13-14; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15).
  • A husband must lead his wife, as Christ leads the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33)
  • A husband and wife have become one flesh, so the husband should love his wife as if she were himself and care for her for the Christ cared for the Church, sacrificially – the Husband must follow Christ’s model and sacrifice to make your wife  holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Christ radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless (Ephesians 5:25-32).
  • Do not allow your spouse to draw you away from worshiping God (Deuteronomy 13:6-10).
  • Do not let your spouse cause you to wrong the Lord (Acts 5:1-10).
  • Do not follow sinners (Proverbs 1:10,15; 28:7; Psalms 1:1).
  • Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness, and peace (1 Tim 6:11, 2 Tim 2:22).
  • God gives believers a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Tim 1:7).
  • Imitate God (Ephesians 5:1).
  • Your sins are visited upon your grandchildren and great-grandchildren (3rd and 4th generations) (Exodus 20:5; 34:7; Deuteronomy 5:9).
  • Work to support your family (Genesis 2:15; 1 Thessalonians 4:11; 2 Thessalonians 3:10)
  • Do not steal (Leviticus 19:11).
  • Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but wisdom is more preferred (Proverbs Ecclesiastes 7:12).
  • Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint (Proverbs 23:4).
  • When you stop listening to advice, you will stray from the Word of Knowledge (Proverbs 19:27).
  • Seek counsel from God (Psalms 16:7; 25:4-5; 27:11; 32:8; 34:11; 119:66; Judges 13:18).
  • He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers (Proverbs 19:8).
  • The wise in heart accept counsel (Proverbs 10:8).
  • Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7).
  • He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm (Proverbs 13:20).
  • The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice – this includes from your wife (Proverbs 12:15).
  • Listen to advice (from your wife too!) and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise (Proverbs 19:20).
  • Families should care for their elders (1 Timothy 5:1-16).
  • Do not covet someone else’s spouse (Deuteronomy 5:21).
  • Do not commit adultery (Genesis 20:1-7; Deuteronomy 5:18; Hebrews 13:4)
  • Wisdom, discretion, and discipline will help protect you from adultery (Proverbs 2:12-28; 5; 6:20-35; 7:4-5)
  • A spouse who sleeps around is not a good thing (Proverbs 23:26-27).
  • Incest (sex between people who are related, other than husband and wife) is wrong (Leviticus 20:11-20; Deuteronomy 27:20-23; 1 Corinthians 5:1-13).
  • The Bible states two reasons for sex: to have children (Genesis 4:1; Jeremiah 29:6) and to prevent sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:2-5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
  • Each spouse must fulfill their marital duties, unless both sides agree to wait for an agreed upon time so they can pray – waiting for a time should likely include a an agreed upon length of time after a mom gives birth and is so tired she cant think straight (Exodus 21:10-11; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5).
  • The Bible teaches that children should be created within marriage (Genesis 4:1; Jeremiah 29:6).
  • God can help a couple become pregnant (Genesis 25:21).
  • God looks favorably upon adoption (Moses – Exodus 2:1-10; Jesus – Matthew 1:18-25; Christians – Romans 8:15, Ephesians 1:5)
  • Fathers and mothers are to teach their children and children should obey; discipline teaches the way to life (Proverbs 1:8; 6:20-23).
  • Fathers and mothers are to discipline their children (Proverbs 13:24; 22:15; 23:13; 29:15).
  • Fathers are not to exasperate their children or make them bitter, otherwise they will become discouraged (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).
  • Fathers and Mothers are to teach God’s word in everything (Deuteronomy 6: 6-7).
  • Fathers and Mothers are to teach about how God is praiseworthy (Psalm 78:2-7).
  • Fathers and Mothers are to train a child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6).
  • Those who love to learn accept being disciplined; those who hate to be corrected lack intelligence (Proverbs 12:1).
  • God disciplines us just as a father disciplines his children (Deuteronomy 8:5; Proverbs 3:11-12; Psalms 94:12; Hebrews 12:10).
  • God wants children of His believers to be disciplined (Deuteronomy 21:18 – 21).
  • Fathers and Mothers who love their children will discipline them (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 29:15-17).
  • Fathers and Mothers must teach children the ways of God (Deuteronomy 4:9; 11:19).
  • He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise (Proverbs 15:31).
  • Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15).
  • Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die (Proverbs 23:13) – And just a reminder that beating or abusing a child is not disciplining a child.
  • The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother (Proverbs 29:15).
  • Children are to obey their parents in everything, because it pleases God (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20).
  • God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
  • No one should abandon his wife (Exodus 21:10-11)
  • Anyone who divorces, except because of adultery, causes the one being left to become an adulterer, as well as the one who marries the divorced person (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:1-3).
  • Believers should not separate, but especially should not divorce (1 Corinthians 7:9-11).
  • Believers should not divorce an unbelieving spouse, but if an unbelieving spouse divorces the believer then the believing spouse is not bound to the one leaving (1 Corinthians 7:12-15).

In short, be the best husband and father you can be. Be the best Christian you can be. Seek counsel. Read God’s word. Do not sin, but pursue holiness. You must love your wife and children. You must provide for your family. YOU are responsible to train your children. You must discipline your children. You must teach your wife and children about God. You must be a role model for your wife and children. You must do what you can to present your wife holy and spotless before the Lord – recognizing you can not force anyone to believe or do anything from the heart, it must be engendered by your life, love, prayer and the Holy Spirit.


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